Wednesday, October 2, 2013

The Follies of a Teenage Fantasy


The Follies of  a Teenage Fantasy

When I think of all the things I could have done with my life and all the feats I could have accomplished, none can come close to my position of being a mother. In short, I am the mother I always wanted, or at least I try to be. 

This is an interesting phenomenon because as a teenager, I actually never saw myself having children or even getting married. I envisioned myself as being a proud product of the Cosby family by osmosis (no actual Cosby upbringing required). I fantasied about being single and having an awesome career (not sure how I would accomplish this because I never imagined going to college).

I would see myself  pulling into the cobblestone driveway of a really nice home with a strong majestic wooden door and crisp green ivy creeping up the side walls. The neighborhood, a beautifully manicured community and my lawn is immaculate (again, how am I supposed to pay for all of this high living , since I never imagined owning a business or working in a particular field? Go figure,lol).

In my fantasy, I am hopping out of my convertible BMW, leather attache' case in hand. I can see myself opening the door to a happy Golden Retriever whose leaps and wagging tail greet me at the door. I can see myself taking off my ridiculously high heels with a healthy salad bowl full of leafy greens in hand. As I plop down on my over-sized dark leather sofa, I turn on my T.V. to watch the Cosby Show. And this concludes my long day at work, whatever that entailed, lol.

The fantasy stopped there because my mind would not allow me to imagine beyond that point. As a teenager, the only thing I knew was that the image for my adult life was picture perfect for me. When I think about it, it is a little sad that I lacked  instruction on how to bring this fantasy to fruition. No direction to set goals or plan for my adult journey.

Fast forward about 5 years and I am married to an amazing man who has made me his most prized possession and I am  holding my first born daughter. I can't tell you when I abandoned my fantasy of being a  single, independent woman; but I can tell you the day I knew I was meant to be a mother.

Holding that little person in my arms brought such a completion to my search for purpose. It was so real and effortless, that it was almost scary how simple it was for me. As I went on to bring 6 other priceless lives into this world, I have never looked back from that day. 

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